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Looking back, I can see that he was an alcoholic. There were a lot more "straight" clients in Brisbane. We did a few of those over the years and they were never very successful because he was so particular. Back in the lounge room, he passed me an envelope and a glass of water and we said a friendly goodbye. The next day I was outside the place, surprised at how ordinary it looked. I didn't like drugs but I did drink. One time he got me to organise a threesome, which I thought might be fun but he had a script.

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'Ecstasy, agony and loss of control': Confessions of a rent boy

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Brisbane was slower than I'd hoped, so after three months I moved back to Sydney. A lot of my regulars had moved on. There were a lot more "straight" clients in Brisbane. I'm on a new antidepressant. I lived the "normal" life for eight months but it didn't make me happy.

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I was more uptight and more stubborn. That was not going to happen. I went to the bathroom to shower, and noticed a little blood trickling down the back of my leg. He always had the dominant role in the sex stuff, but as soon as it was over he was a nice guy. I never drank at home alone, but I lived close to nightclubs. I said hello, sat down and watched the telly. There was no regret, no disgust.

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