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You don't return to them. But the fact is, anal sex is just one kind of sex, and there are a variety of reasons why one might not find it fun. Keep it casual — play and be willing to change course if something doesn't feel right. Dae has become a remarkably handsome man, and in many ways, he was my first sign that others were out there — back when I simply knew I was "other" and that was all I had. I am a bottom and have only ever bottomed for trans men.

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16 Things I Learned From Having Sex With Trans Men

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I see me, a lanky pipsqueak squinting through big teeth, someone with no clue how to live in my body, no understanding of what it was feeling, and no words to describe it. Doing so is not only respectful of a person's pronouns you don't know — it's also one small step in a massive social movement to challenge binarism and take down archaic notions of gender. Everyone has certain kinds of touch they like and certain kinds they don't. A majority of my experiences with trans men have been dominant-submissive with me as the sub. Every 'they' and 'them,' even for people whose gender identity you think is obvious, is a small, vital step in a better direction — one that carves space for genderqueer and nonbinary people.

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I don't say that. When he tells you he's trans, say OK, ask for terms, and have fun. A majority of my experiences with trans men have been dominant-submissive with me as the sub. Always ask for a person's preferred pronouns at the beginning of conversations. It's not all about surgeries and body parts.

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